Hairball Proves Twitter Worthy
So you say you don’t understand the Twitter. That it’s a scourge on the most highly intelligent mammal. An indication that the apocalypse is indeed coming. Oh, reeeally, my haughty naysayer? Allow me to provide the following Twitter Exchange as proof of its undeniable significance in the realm of modern communication. We’ll call it: Exhibit Hairball. (The names of responding tweeters have been anonymified to protect their questionable senses of humor.) I, esteemed author, shall play the part of ME. And Twits Sienna, Indigo, Fuchsia, Midnight, and Aqua are my cohorts. See, Twitter is like a party line, where anyone can listen in on the conversation of others and choose to be either silent eavesdroppers, or occasional participants by utilyzing the @ symbol to direct their remarks at a specific person. Remember: remarks can come minutes, even hours after the real-time conversation has ceased, which can make it confusing to relay in the format you’re about to read. But hark, I am a writer. And writers accept challenges while proudly donning their most fashionable prose-colored glasses. (I know, right?)
So the scene begins at dusk, as I embark on what I suspect will be a brief exchange of pleasantries before burying myself in my ever-so-serious novel on which the world is waiting to read. Without further ado, the proof…
Me: My daughter brought me a hairball. And we don’t have a cat.
Twit Sienna: This is why I find your life so fascinating: RT @Laura Manivong: My daughter brought me a hairball. And we don’t have a cat.
Me: You’re more than welcome to come over and fondle the hairball, @Twit Sienna, since you find my life so “fascinating.”
Me: And there goes one follower. Aversion to hairballs, much?
Twit Indigo: @Laura Manivong ROFL….Oh snap! What the heck does that mean?!? I do love cats though….??
Me: @Twit Indigo Daughter cleaned her hairbrush, which resulted in the monstrosity.
Me: Hubs, who’s amazed at the # of comments I sometimes get on FB, just asked “You already put that hairball on the internet?” Networking, bb!
Twit Sienna: @Laura Manivong With a dog, cat & teen w/ long, thick hair, I have plenty of hairballs of my own.#WhatInTheHellAreWeTalkingAbout
Me: Great. I post about reviews and no one retweets me. But the hairball? Yeah, spread that around, my dedicated followers! Hahaha! And thanks?
Twit Indigo: @Laura Manivong Yep. I’m proud to say, I retweeted immediately. Hee hee hee….
Me: @Twit Indigo You are a kind one, Twit Indigo, a truly kind one!
Twit Indigo: @Laura Manivong Thank you…thank you…*takes a bow* And ROFL….
Me: Yay! My sophomore novel, HAIRBALL, got a starred review from Kirkus! “Absolutely gut-wrenching yet delicious!” #April1stShouldComeAboutMoreOften
Twit Fuchsia: @Laura Manivong CONGRATS! A starry review from @KirkusReviews is the best! (Note: this Tweet was wisely deleted upon discovery of ruse.)
Me: @Twit Fuchsia Oh, forgive me!!! The hairball book is a total fabrication!!
Twit Fuchsia: @Laura Manivong Does April Fool’s run all month long? I will buy that beach property you are selling in Fargo.
Me: @Twit Fuchsia Just trying to create a self-fulfilling prophesy here. Can’t hurt, right??
Twit Midnight: @Laura Manivong You are cracking me up today.
Me: @Twit Midnight What a coincidence. I’m cracking myself up too. Thank you for letting me know I’m not alone!!!
Twit Midnight: @Laura Manivong Pfffffft! *snort* hahahah. Congrats on your Kirkus review, by the way, & the hairball!
Me: I’m thinking I’m really gonna have to write a novel called HAIRBALL, @Twit Midnight. It will be like the musical Hair, but with more balls.
Twit Midnight: ROFL RT @Laura Manivong: Gonna have to write a novel called HAIRBALL. It will be like the musical Hair, but with more balls.
Me: I’ve always thought ROFL sounded like ralph. No coincidence I s’pose that tweeps are using the acronym in response to my hairball tweets.
Me: I want to unfollow Tweeter who dumped me after my hairball tweets-twas probly the fondle one-not outta spite but cuz Cing his face shames me.
Twit Aqua (a random player who inspired my subsequent tweet): Blogged tonight on being _____ and _______ . Also: nipples.
Me: @Twit Aqua If you think I’m gonna fall for that nipple trick…brb.
Me: I must apologize for my shallowness. Btwn the nipples (see @Twit Aqua) & the hairballs, I haven’t had this much fun since last night’s wedgie.
Twit Sienna: @Laura Manivong Just give up and mainline some chocolate. Go.
Me: @Twit Sienna Seriously, I have twittered away, hmmm, lemme see now, about 3 hours of writing time? Dedication comes in many shapes.
There you have it, dear blog readers. It’s undeniable. Without Twitter, civilization as we know it would cease. The proof is in the hairball.
In other news, my mommy has always said she’s proud I’m a writer. Please do not direct her to this post.